OCD = over (my) compulsion dude

OK, so whereas that could never be entirely true, I am really just sick of being such a control freak and so OCD. It occurred to me while jogging last night that what I really wanted to be doing was eating peanut butter. Not a new revelation; this happens pretty often actually. The real clincher though was that I started to think, "Why am I doing this then? Why do I continue to torture myself while my knees, hips and legs hurt and I still want to be eating peanut butter instead?"

But oh no -- it didn't stop there. I started wondering why I have to have Vaughn cleaning up her toys by 7:40pm, in her room by 7:50pm and in bed by 8:00pm. I mean, does it really matter if I'm five minutes late on any of this? And would the world fall apart if I intentionally ate a piece of bread? To answer both: don't think so. So of course then came the cascade-like realization that there are so many things I get really worked up about but don't need to. Realizing one at a time throughout the week is nothing like realizing them all in the span of about three minutes.

So I stopped jogging. And as I walked the short way home, I thought about what it was I could actually do to be less OCD. I'd love to just be spontaneous and ... oh, I don't know, wash the light blues and greens on Monday instead of Sunday, but that might be pushing it! I'll work on that. I think for now I'll keep Vaughn up until she just can't take it anymore (or I can't) and maybe have a Diet Coke with dinner!

Side note: I wasn't like this (as much) before I had a child. When I worked for that motivational speaker guy, he said that stay-at-home moms create problems when there are none in order to keep their personal lives on track with what their professional ones could have been. I couldn't agree more. And since I don't want to go back to work now, I think I'll just try to make my problems at home more interesting. Like, "How can I possibly consume all this brown sugar before we move in 3 weeks?"

I like that.