Rediscovering Neil Young

(or the album I knew in college anyway)

It's funny -- this morning, while listening to Neil Young's Greatest Hits, I said to Mark, "This album makes me want to get drunk," and he replied, "Or get laid." And it struck me as ironic at the time, though I couldn't put my finger on why. Of course now I know why: I used to get laid to this album all the time. As I cleaned my whole house and listened to it, I realized I knew almost every word to every song, though I don't think I've heard many of those songs in ages -- that's how often I "listened" to it in college.

And you know what? I don't regret it. I don't feel guilty that I have experiences with someone other than my husband, and I no longer regret the most destructive relationship I ever had. Not only do I feel like I learned from my experiences and that I garnered many friends I still have from that particular relationship, but I also feel really proud of who I've become as a result. I never again could date someone who didn't seriously appreciate music. I had a lot of fun. And honestly, because of that relationship, I was able to have Vaughn, thus my most adoring and loving husband, and thus this second baby on the way. How could I ever regret something that so completely brought me to where I am today?

I do feel badly for CA. I think that, 8 years later, he must regret the way things unfolded and he must wish he'd handled things differently. Maybe I'm wrong but since I feel that I was on the receiving end of that situation, I don't feel as guilty as he might.

I don't even feel old, having come to these conclusions. I feel so young ... I feel so capable of finding new music and appreciating it and were I not pregnant, I'd probably break open the bourbon, since it's raining anyway and our afternoon activity will likely be watching The Little Mermaid. I feel like I can make new experiences and appreciate them more with someone who loves me so much constantly by my side.

God bless mistakes. And God bless heartache that eventually allows so much joy. And sure, God bless Neil Young. He's a fantastic musician.