5-second rule

How are you supposed to be a good parent when you're not even a clean human being? I just recently started washing my hands after I use the bathroom. I'm not even joking. For those of you who have eaten at my table, do not worry -- I always wash before cooking. But I'm reminded of that VW commercial where the new dad talks about the 5-second rule ... I think in our house it's more like the 15-minute rule, and I believe I've expounded on this previously.

I bring it up today because yesterday I employed one of the most immature manoeuvers of all time ... I flipped somebody off. And, dear reader, it wasn't just somebody: it was the entire staff of the Gap in Richmond, and every passer-by, every child, including my own, and every employee for yards around saw me do it. I rationalize it by telling that the shop was due to open at 9:30 and I arrived at 9:25, only to wait until 9:40, stand by as the door was opened for the postman, simultaneously receiving an evil glare from one of the staff members, who proceeded to slam the door shut after said postman departed and relock the portal to my toddler Easter dress pursuit. [Thus ensued my middle-finger proliferation.]

But in actuality I think I'd just been dying to be immature and I only needed a good excuse. There are only so many times you can say, "We don't eat off the floor," pretending to mean it. Really.