*Roar*

My emotions are pretty overwhelming right now. I am feeling some cross between anxiety over not having friends and bitterness regarding the people I've tried to befriend. Yesterday I had really low self-esteem and today there's some mixture of that and catclawing toward a real semblance of self. I keep reminding myself that I am not this weak ... it's just the last few weeks have been so strange, plus I'm pregnant and likely hungry, though truly constipated more than anything and all that together adds up to an emotionally crazed woman. Where is the Law & Order about the pregnant lady who goes apeshit and mows down people in parking lots? I swear it's based on my character in this moment.

There is nothing that can calm me down, either. I tried ringing friends around here, but you know what? They're not that interested, so then neither am I. I tried getting in a baby swimming pool, but between the warmth that was questionably due to children's urine and the depth of three feet not hiding my pregnancy thighs so well, I couldn't really enjoy it. I tried eating things, but peanut butter cookie dough, carrot cake and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (holy shit! we found them at Woolworth the other day) aren't even helping. Good god, the sun is shining and I still feel all out of whack.

Of course part of it could be that I am unable to have sex without pain and therefore resentful of my body, my husband and every human I know who isn't experiencing this. That could be a lot of it. Have I referred to this already, like the pee pitcher?

I guess it's a good thing that I don't have a car these days. Surely I'd get a DWP .